It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
