I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
