in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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