Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
