Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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