I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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