apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
