Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
