And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
