There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
