Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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