so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish you could order shots online.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
