i need an iv and a liver transplant
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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