My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
