She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I touched a dick in church today
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
