I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
