Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
ttyl tear gas
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
