Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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