I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
