I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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