Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He called his prostate his "boner button".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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