We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
