you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
