Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
