I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
