I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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