I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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