How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
