i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
