YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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