eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
