Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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