That's intense
im six kinds of drunk right now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
