My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
