my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
