Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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