Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
As shirtless as possible
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
