you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
