Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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