I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
