I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize