I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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