just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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