ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize