babies were throwing up all over the place
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
