Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
