She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
