the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
