that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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