the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
