one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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