I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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