and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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