me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
