why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
