My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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