uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
