No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
