I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize