I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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