Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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