Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
