32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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