I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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