The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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