They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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