Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
