I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
