i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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